If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
