dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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