Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
