the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
