what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
