I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
