In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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