I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
