the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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