Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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