The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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