Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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