I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
