Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
