I hate your face
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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