I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
