We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
