spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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