How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
