OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
