There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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