Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
