Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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