Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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