Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
