Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
