Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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