Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
zippers are such a cool invention
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
