I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
