drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
