I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
