Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
