he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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