my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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