Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
