There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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