I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
