Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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