I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
