btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
