I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
