is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
