You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
