shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
