how can u be prego again
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
