Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
should my penis look like a turkey
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
