for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
