My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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