How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize