I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
